Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking that parents don't matter, that teachers and schools are responsible for raising children. This simply isn't true. Parents have a huge impact on their children's education. I want to offer an example of what it means to be a parent who is willing to go to bat for their child, to be ok with being 'that Mom' if it is in the best interest of the child.
There are many options for childcare, and it was difficult to find one that we were happy with. Our son began at the school he currently attends, but we removed him from the school when my husband had to travel more. We decided it would be best if our child was closer to me, in a Christian environment. The school had a curriculum, and the teachers were very nice. However, it became apparent over time that they weren't challenging him enough. Television was on 85% of the time, with only moderate educational activities offered throughout the day. So, the next year we put him in a new center that was only about three miles away from my job. That was an amazing place, where I'd pop in unannounced and see my child helping with mixing a cookie batter, or playing baseball, or bird-watching. He'd be coloring, or doing a puzzle, playing in a puppet show, or imagining he was a scuba-diver. I realize how lucky I was to have him there. I was upset when they had to shut down after only one year because of low enrollment.
This year, I had to go back to option A, the school he was at when he was only a year old. I knew that he was reasonably safe, but some of their operating practices have bothered me in the past. Little things like variety of food for breakfast, lack of a lead teacher, or issues with potty training. Nothing that bothered me enough to decide not to put him back there, but enough that I'm constantly vigilant to make sure everything goes well this time around. When he first began, they put him in a class with a teacher whose strength lay in getting the children to be obedient. This is, of course, an admirable quality for a teacher whose students are petulant three year olds. In order to succeed in school, obedience is a necessary skill. But, she wasn't the warmest with the children, and my son reacted badly to this. Where he was potty trained by me over the summer, he couldn't seem to do it in class. My theory is that he was scared of the teacher, and didn't want to ask to go. The school discussed the situation with my husband and I, asking if they could move him to the younger 2 year old class, despite the fact that he was three. Although I didn't love the idea of him being there (knowing his knowledge level in language and number skills), I recognized that this was a developmental goal that needed to be met. Within a week of him being in the younger class, he was back on track with his potty training. He was moved into the other 3 year old class with a different teacher. This teacher is warm and clear. She challenges him, but does it in a loving way. He responded positively toward her, having few problems for the next few months. Of course, he is a normal 3 year old boy. He has meltdowns occassionally. Occassionally he doesn't listen. But then, so do the teenagers I teach. A time-out usually does the trick with my little guy. His teacher understands that. She also motivates the kids with red, yellow, and green days. He joyfully tells me when he gets a green day, because he's so proud of himself. The best part is that this teacher actively teaches. My child has sight words and letter recognition, he knows his numbers. Basically, he has completed all the skills he would need prior to entering kindergarten, even though it is a year away.
When I received a letter from the school telling me they were planning on reorganizing the rosters, moving my son back to the classroom he had been in when he had potty training issues, I was upset. I struggled with how to approach the school. I was angry, because I felt they should have remembered that he didn't do well in this other class. But then, I also thought about my role as a teacher. I needed to keep my cool and approach this with the right attitude. Maybe there was a reason for their decision. The letter said it was to put kids who had the same skill sets together. I found out later that this meant they had arranged the children by birthday, and that my son was the oldest in the younger group. He was a borderline placement anyway. I called to speak on the phone with the director, but she was unavailable. I wrote an email that night detailing my reasons that I didn't want my son moved. They returned my email the next morning, and followed up with a phone call that went to voicemail. I stopped in to the office to try to talk to them when I picked my son up, but again, the director was in a meeting. I didn't give up. Friday, I called again and got the assistant director on the phone. She spoke with the director and they rearranged the roster so my child could stay where he had been successful.
Had I ignored the letter informing me of the decision, and allowed the change to happen, my son would have been taken from his friends and a teacher that he has grown to trust. I made the effort to make sure my son had the best opportunity for success. I've been his greatest advocate because he's three and can't do it for himself. I know that I won't always get my way with who teaches him. But I won't be passive about decisions that I disagree with. I'll be 'that parent' if I need to be. Not because I don't think the school has good intentions, because I do think they wanted something that made sense. They wanted kids to be together that were at about the same developmental level. It was my job to point out that he was doing well in his current placement. It was my job to fight for him. I did it, and my son won because of it.
Some parents reactions are that the school always know best, or the teacher always know best. They don't always. Likewise, the parents don't always know best, because they don't see what happens in the classroom. Parents need to realize that too. If we don't calmly and quickly open a dialogue with each other if there is a disagreement, then we aren't doing service to the child. In this situation, the school thought they were making a decision that would benefit everyone. On paper, they were right. But, sometimes what is logical isn't always the right thing, especially when young children are involved. My son needs the social stability, because he has been moved to a new school each year. He has a relationship with his current teacher, and that is a great thing. I'm just glad I was able to help him preserve it.
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